Sweet Relief and The Great Unknown

I am currently reveling in the reality of no longer being a case manager. Spending time in both my former workplace and in the visiting nurse agency where I work as a per diem nurse, I was clearly struck dumb with pleasure yesterday as I realized the reality of my new professional standing. Working in this manner, I feel completely in control of my work life, calling the shots each week and making decisions with my own best interests in mind. What sweet relief!

The down side of such a situation is that I am no longer in relationship with any of my former patients, and am processing some feelings about having "abandoned" some of them. Also, coming and going from the hospice only intermittently does not afford me much continuity, and from one shift to the next I am generally in the dark as to who has died and who is still in residence. Thirdly, as a per diem visiting nurse, I have no control over who I am assigned on any given day, and while surprise and novelty can be exhilarating, some modicum of normalcy and regularity may at times seems somewhat alluring.

Still, this nurse who has freed himself from relative captivity is a happy man, and no amount of money would get me back on the full-time horse any time soon.