To See Differently

Well, nothing seemed terribly different at work today. The same patients called with the same types of complaints and needs. My co-workers were hunkered down at their desks with some occasional desultory talk of the weekend and our New Year's Eve exploits. Over all, though, everything was so much the same, except that I was trying to remember to write "07" on my notes rather than "06".

This is simply proof positive that things must change on the inside despite external circumstances. One can indeed resolve to floss every night, eschew sugar, exercise regularly, be more loving, listen more attentively, and say "Good morning, God!" instead of "Good God, morning!" when the feet hit the floor each day. But when those feet do hit the carpet, it's what's happening on the inside that counts.

The commute to work can always seem the same. That cup of coffee tastes like it always has tasted. The water-cooler chat with a co-worker seems no different than a thousand days before, and those voicemails sound like voicemails received any number of times in the past. Repetition and sameness can seem mind-numbing and bland, and I certainly had moments today when I was wondering why nothing seemed different. then I caught myself and realized that it was I who needed to adjust---it's all about my perceptions, not my expectations and assumptions.

Did I really think anything would be outwardly different today? Of course not. Did I truly expect that this one's need for methadone and that one's need for Xanax would somehow be transformed? Clearly not. Any change must come directly from my mind, my perceptions, my ability to see differently. It is truly all in the eye of the beholder, and this beholder certainly has alot of learning to do.