- Keith, RN said...
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Wow, Kiki. That is certainly blunt and to the point, and generally unkind in tone. I always like to try for "radical honesty with compassion" but you seem to have skimped on the compassion. And I guess using all capital letters is supposed to be akin to shouting from the rooftops.
We all see the world through our own lens, and that does have its negative and positive sides, of course. While your words have a sting, I'll try to take them in and see if there are aspects that ring true and can be integrated into my thinking and acting in the world.
As for a "made up ailment", it is very real for us, and no, I did not marry my sister. In fact, we both probably have MCS because we were both poisoned by radon and other environmental irritants when we lived as newlyweds in a very old house.
Overall, your comment's lack of kindness and compassion is what most strikes me. While it will certainly engender a great deal of self analysis, it also makes me wonder what type of person you are, what good you do in the world, and how you impact others' lives for the better. I will look for you on Zaadz.com and try to ascertain the answers to my questions.
In the end, I have to thank you for this gift, even though it is delivered with emotional daggers.
I wish you peace and kindness, even when you cannot wish the same on others.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Talk About a Wake-Up Call
14 comments:
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Kiki said...
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I must say that I have no emotional daggers. I spread peace and harmony and love to thoes who are ntruly excepting it. there are no exceptions for my good deeds. THe usual exception is to do it in my own way - not for a reward but rather the smile in my heart r a laugh of a senior, or a smile to a baby, even just giving a dollar to the homeless who truly need it. (without making judgementon what he may spane). Any time our higher powers choose- tht could be us. We do not know what each day holds for us. I listen 2 you and ur partner and I just do NOT see compassion: she wants everone to know shes bilingual ( in a ver juvanial way) she wants all her god deeds to go on record (and I am not IMPRESSED.)She constantly talks about how she so much more than ANYONE deserves a raise. WEll - hello - welcome to mine and everone's office. YOU strike me as "THAT GUY" who think he knows eveyone/ everything and that if we don't listen to your "KNOWLEGE" - we are beneath you. you have tried to change the way people like to smell. fragrance costs 80 dollars plus b/c it is something that WE like... As we I speak for white, black, ASIAN, hispanic, men, women, boys, girls, men and women.... And you think that you should step into this feedom of ours??? OPEN THE NURSES EYES AND LET YOUR COCO WIFE JOIN IN ON THAT SESSION>
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10:24 PM
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Janet said...
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Keith, when I have to deal with people like that I grit my teeth, smile, and think of the principles of karma. What goes around comes around. I wouldn't presume to guess what there is about your karma that would bring on such an attack. Rest assured that she will reap what she sows and pray that she learns from it. Maybe you are just a catalyst for her to do some growing.
As far as the MCS goes; I have a patient who can only use baking soda and vinegar to clean her house. She had a severe asthma attack in our clinic the other day because someone had used Purell hand sanitizer before they walked into the treatment room with her. We have to bring her in via the back door and whisk her into a specially prepared treatment room because she cannot tolerate the smell of the 10% bleach solution we use to clean equipment. I hope your MCS isn't that extreme. -
11:17 PM
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Unknown said...
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Keith,
I just happened upon your blog, and the interaction that followed. I for one am thrilled that you are raising awareness and helping others understand MCS. Though I have not experienced this myself, I had many wonderful patients that did, and we outlawed any form of fragrance in our clinic. I am sure your blog is a source of comfort, in not being alone, for many. For the sake of my fellow citizens (as well as to avoid carcinogens), I would never wear fragrance in public. If people want to wear these in private, so be it, but anyone with compassion and concern for their fellow man, especially those in health care, should be willing to skip the fragrance for the benefit of those with MCS.
Perhaps those that oppose you should carefully review the Silent Spring study released two weeks ago highlighting 63 chemicals in common cosmetics and household products that are known breast cancer carcinogens in animals. The two of you, despite suffering from MCS, may actually be more fortunate than many, since many of the things that cause the two of you discomfort (so you avoid them) in the short run, may cause cancer for others in the long run.
Lynne Eldridge M.D.
Author, "Avoiding Cancer One Day At A Time"
http://www.avoidcancernow.com -
11:28 PM
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Anonymous said...
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I appreciate that you share with us what you learn, and what kind and thought-full things you are able to do during your often difficult days.
I happen to be so disabled by exposures to the chemicals in perfumes and fabric softeners, etc, that I am unable to leave home for the most part, and risk not being able to return safely when I do venture out for groceries.
Boy would I love to have a chemical free medical home visit (but I live too far away from your clinic) so I do without.
Anyway, I am always inspired by your musings and observations, and think Kiki must be jealous.
Hopefully one day she will be able to leave her resentment behind and share and receive joy while she journies along her path.
linda -
2:34 AM
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Anonymous said...
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the "coco" wife chimes in.
i feel saddened by such vitriol, yet also pleased and grateful to see people with mcs speak up here--and medical professionals who validate its existence. thank you.
to kiki i say thank you too for feeling safe enough to express yourself with us. with a little development in communication skills and applying how you treat others with kindness daily with us too, your messages could only add more good to the world. i invite you to look at the source of your issues with us and take ownership of them--and then please leave us in peace.
like keith, i decided to take into consideration kiki's experience of us and see how his/her "feedback" can benefit my own growth. i even looked back on my blog for hints of the characteristics s/he describes and it saddens me that my excitedness about grasping a new language and my caring for and about others in the world is judged so negatively and harshly by her/him. unlike keith, blogging for me has not been my forte, as hard as i have tried...and with this person projecting and targeting her/his anger and angst this way, i admit, i feel less inspired to continue with what i was already struggling to keep going.
with kiki's last comments being even more attacking and unkind, i am choosing now to watershed. i appreciate how her/his vitriolic attitudes/resentments, perceptions and ignorance reflect those of so many people and I take heed in such
a reminder. -
3:18 AM
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N=1 said...
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I'm grateful for your descriptions of living with and managing MCS. I don't understand much of it, and you've raised my awareness.
Per chance, do you read Susan's Rickety Contrivances of Doing Good? She had a very similar commenter experience, and she wrote a post in reply that is extraordinary.
I'm guessing that you would very much enjoy and appreciate her writing.
As for the commenter's perspective: I don't understand it. I can't understand his/her intentions and motives. I don't understand the connections she is making. But she did give you a gift of sorts - of deeper self-reflection. Maybe that's the take-away.
As to karma and "getting yours" - at least to me, that's a wish for retaliation and destruction. I can't go there. My wish for the commenter is to come away with more understanding of your perspective, Keith, and for that to be some fertile ground for her own growth. -
8:43 AM
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Janet said...
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The concept and principles of karma are not about "getting yours" and I apologize if that is the impression I gave. It is about the consequences of our thoughts and actions. Wikipedia has a better explanation of it than any I can give.
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10:34 AM
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Anonymous said...
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This was passed around at a PeaceMaking conference I was able to attend in 1997.
ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for some underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. -
2:59 PM
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manonfyre said...
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don't know if you or your guests reading here are familiar with the ins and outs of spiral dynamics; and, very truthfully, i do not want to sound dismissive of Kiki, because i am not. but what "mean meme" does Kiki's rant come off as? me, i really don't know and won't venture a guess. still, there is a sad and plain meanness -- of whatever stripe -- that bubbles up through Kiki's words.
Kiki, you reading this, girl? whuddup? you had a bad day at work? you don't have a dog to go home and kick? the kids driving you crazy?
ultimately (and this is not a glib platitude), we embrace every-one with open arms -- same/same. every-one -- the Beloved. (me, i tend to have the most trouble doing this with "the man in the mirror.")
sometimes, there is something about the internet, where "shadow-boxing" comes out on steroids. i don't want to say i "haunt" the web, but the internet is a fixture in my life. i read a lot on the web. and comments threads are filled with pissing contests, ranting, raving, name-calling . . . it's amazing. (the internet itself is really frickin' amazing, but that's another story.)
"oh, uh-huh! you think so, eh, you ____-___! well let me tell you somethin', you ___, ___, ___, ___."
ay, yi, yi! can't we all just get along?
i am writing because i appreciate how passionate you two are about life, about so much, and even about blogging. you get this drive-by shit storm dumped in your lap, and wtf?
under different circumstances, perhaps Kiki could find much about the both of you that she likes -- maybe, really likes. and vice-versa. i'd guess there's a lot, right now, that we all share in common -- everyone of us that has come to listen and to speak, here, at this place you have set out for us, like chairs on a porch -- "welcome! sit. listen. talk."
my mother, she'd say, "you have two ears and one mouth. use them accordingly."
maybe Kiki has had to endure with some friend or family member struggling through a brutal, knock-down, drag-out form of cancer, or the like. like, that's an illness! and, maybe too, she has never had a friend or family member struggle with a chronic, aggravating, immune disease, or something like MCS; and, so, is yet to open her heart to the millions and millions, and their friends and family members, who tough out each day with all the wear and tear of illnesses like MCS.
you still here, chica? am i even close?
if i am, the four of us -- keith, his wife, you, me -- all Digital Doorway visitors invited! -- could sit around the porch and tell stories of, "what my mother (or sister or father) went through." you know? maybe (and i'd hope so), this would draw us all closer.
she'd been out of the surgery for about an hour -- was fully conscious. but the pain! oh!, the pain! all of us, in our guts, sitting there with her, feeling her pain. the nurse had injected the demerol into the IV -- checked her notes -- sure she did it. but the IV tube was disconnected somewhere in the middle. and the fluid and the medicine just drip, drip, dripped on the floor, unnoticed, beside the bed! while my sister agonized in pain.
anyway . . . this is not my blog. i'm gobbling up the space. like some of the commenters i see again and again on certain blogs, i just want to tell them, "if you have so much to say, get your own blog!"
bad days can be contagious. i'm thinkin' Kiki's had a bad day. maybe somebody calls her names. you know what i'm saying.
mija! be cool! have fun! give some. get some. there's no escaping it -- we are all in this together!
thank you, keith! blog on! -
10:49 PM
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Keith "Nurse Keith" Carlson, RN, BSN, NC-BC said...
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Manonfyre,
You are a man after my own heart. Thank you for your kind wisdom (and you can "gobble up space" on my blog any time you like. -
11:25 PM
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Unknown said...
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Keith - other commenters have said it better, I enjoy your blog and you know that I admire the way that you work with others.
As for the comments - shrug of the shoulders. Last week, among the usual accusations of Pharma Shill, etc. my wife was accused of fox-hunting (I know, but it is a major issue/insult in the UK) and unspecified crimes: "Your criticisms only show your low levels of
confront and what sticks out as a sore thumb are your hidden crimes
which you hope no one will find out. Well they are there. I don't care what they are".
Chin up - as the stereotyped british person always says in these circumstances...
Best - Tony -
5:33 AM
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Kiki said...
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YALL MUST BE KIDDING- HAVE YOU CALLED ALL UR FRIENDS KEITH AND ARY TO JUMP UP AND DEFEND YOU- I NEVER SAI DTHE WORK YOU DO WASN'T A GREAT CAUSE. WHAT I SAID WAS THAT YOU DO IT ALL FOR THE WORNG REASONS. AND I MUST ADMIT- MAYBE YOU KEITH ARE LEGIT. I AM A LITTLE TURNED OFF BY THE FACT THATYOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TOCONTROL SMELL IN SOCIETY BUT THAT SEEMS TO BE MY ONLY ISSUE WITH YOU. YOU SEEM TO HAVE THE NURSING INSTNCTS THAT MAKE FOR A GOOD NURSE. BUT YOUR WIFE ( AND I AM NOT TRING TO BE NASTY- OBVIOUSLY AFTER ALL THE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK, IF I DIDN'T FIRMLY BELIEV THIS I WOULDN'T BE POSTING ABOUT IT)- SHE'S ANOTHER STORY. SHE SEEMS SO SHALLOW AND IN NEED OF ATTENTION - JUST HE APROACH TO THE RESPONSE SHE GAVE ME. NO OE CARES IF SHE'S UNDERPAID, BI-LINGUAL, GIVES TO PEOPLE IN JAMAICA (SHE SAYS IT IN "ANONOMITY" - WELL THEN WHY DOES SHE FEE THE NEED TO POST ALL OVER). I HAVE FREINDS ON ZAAD AND THEY AGREE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN MORE OF AN ATTENTION SEEKER. SHE BOASTS ABOUT "HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER". I HAVE A GREAT LOVE TOO. AND I DO THINK IT'S GREAT BUT I DON'T "RUB IT IN" ALLOVER THE NET- MAKING THOES LONELY FEEL AT A LOSS. I ALSO DON'T EXPLOUT Y GOOD DEEDS. I LOVE WHAT I DO... AND NOT ONCE HAVE I HAD TO LIST IN DETAIL WHAT IS IS I DETAIL WHAT I HAVE DONE OR WHAT I AM OR WHAT I HAVE. MAYBE SHE SHOULD GIVE UP BLOGGING B/C BECAUSE SHE REALL ANNOYS READERS AND BLOGGER ALIKE. SO I APOLIQGIZE FOR TAKING MY ANGER WITH YOU SELF CENTERED WIFE ON YOUR BLOG BUT SHE NEVER RESPONDED TO HER HALF ASSED POST ON ZAADS.
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9:40 PM
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Keith "Nurse Keith" Carlson, RN, BSN, NC-BC said...
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Kiki,
You continue to exhibit your lack of kindness and compassion for all to see. As for your statement that we do our work in the world "for the wrong reasons", how dare you make such a baseless assertion about people you do not even know. Your lack of maturity and insight is all the more obvious with every comment you make.
We did not ask anyone to "defend" us. I have never met any of the people who have commented in response to your posts. They merely felt moved to do so based upon your unwarranted and unkind attacks.
I am not trying to "control smell in society". I am bringing awareness to others that, since the Second World War, the corporate chemical industry has been entirely unregulated by the FDA and other government agencies. It is widely understood that most commercially available fragrances and cleaners contain chemicals which are neurotoxins, many of which are also carcinogenic. Just as people have begun to exhibit incredibly powerful allergies to peanuts and latex (and aren't some schools actually "peanut-free" now?), reactivity to fragrances and chemicals is on the rise. It is a public health issue, and I happen to be one of those people who is made physically ill by those substances. Your assertion that I am attempting to control others is absurd. When one's health is at stake, one must speak out and try to protect the very air that one breathes, or die trying.
As for your attacks on Mary, I ask that you cease and desist at once. How dare you. If you are unhappy or critical of her writing style, I suggest that you simply stop reading her blog. Or perhaps you simply troll the Internet for people to criticize?
Mary is anything but shallow. My wife is one of the most emotionally intelligent and mature individuals I have ever known, and she brings great skill, subtlety and compassion to her interactions with people of all walks of life. Anyone who attacks her also attacks me, and I will defend her without fail.
There is nothing you can say that will hurt us or cause us to stop sharing our hearts and lives with others in whatever form we choose. I suggest you take the energy which you are obviously spending in berating us for some unknown wrong we have caused you, and give some attention to a person or animal in need of compassion. From your communication style, it is obvious that lessons in compassion are in order, and I refuse to be further drawn into your web of nastiness.
Further attacking comments posted by you to this blog will be summarily deleted. You are no longer welcome here. -
10:52 PM
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islandgirl said...
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I think you've handled this "KiKi" person with grace and class. A way better job than I'm afraid I could have ever done.
God bless. -
12:15 PM
I WAS ROUTED HERE THROUGH YOUR WIFES BLOG AT ZAADZ.COM. I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU BOTH LIKE TO BLOG ABOUT ALL YOUR "ACTS OF GOODNESS" AND HUMANITARIAN. UNFORTUNATELY I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE A SORT OF "STUCK UP" ATTITUDE YOU BOTH HAVE. LIKE YOU NEED A CONSTANT PAT ON THE BACK FROM ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. IN A SENSE I FEEL VERY BADLY FOR THE TWO. YOUR POINT OF VIEWS ARE MADE TO BE THE ONLY POINT OF VIEW AND IF YOU DISAGREE WITH OTHERS THAT MAKES THEM WRONG??? UM, HELLO. WE ARE ALL ENTITLED TO WHAT WE CALL "OUR OPINION". HOW IRONIC THAT YOU BOTH HAVE THIS MADE UP AILMENT (MCS). AREN'T A LOT OF ILLNESSES HEREDITARY? DID YOU MARRY YOUR SISTER. FOR YOU TO WANT TO PROTEST AGAINST PERFUME/COLOGNE. AND TO STEREOTYPE PUERTO RICANS AS PEOPLE WHO WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME. DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE YOUR COWORKERS DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU SMELL OR LOOK OR WORK - YET THEY DO NOT CAMPAIGN TO STOP YOU FROM YOUR FREEDOMS? YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT THE WORLD FROM ONLY YOUR WORLD. STOP THINKING YOU ARE DOING SO MUCH FOR OTHER PEOPLE WHEN REALLY IT SEEMS AS THOUGH ALL YOU NEED IS A HIGH FIVE.