Monday, July 11, 2005

"Expert" Witness

Today I testified in court for the first time and it was in the role of the "expert witness". Luckily I was not being taken to court myself. I was simply called as a witness for the defense in a case in which an unnamed state agency was taking an unnamed agency/facility to court for unnamed offenses, and I was there to testify that the medical care of my (unnamed) patient who lives in this facility is up to snuff, which it is.

Several amusing things I noticed as I sat waiting for my turn on the stand:

-The prosecuting attorney's last name was very close in spelling and pronunciation to the word "vendetta". I kid you not, although she was not apparently Italian.

-The state seal of whatever it was which hang above the judge's head can only be described as a Native American standing in the center of a shield-shaped area outlined in blue. The individual is holding a long bow in one hand and an arrow in the other. Above his head there is a disembodied arm with ruffled sleeves, bent at the elbow, holding a sword as if to strike down upon the head of the Native American. Again, I kid you not. What kind of patriarchal judicial hocus-pocus is that? Beneath the Native individual was a scroll-like shape with the following words inscribed: "Ense petit placidum sub libertate quietem", for all you Latin scholars out there. Translations, anyone?

Anyway, my day on court was short-lived, and may I never need to use my own malpractice insurance which covers me for up to $6,000,000 per annum.

'Nuff said.
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